Slow train coming

Anyone who read the electric newspapers or stumbled onto Fox Footy on Monday (any hour, any show) could be excused for thinking the Demons not only have their name already scratched into this year's Premiership Cup, but are also the best team that has ever played the game.

Overblown and confusing? Absolutely. Last week they soundly beat a team of witches hats and hadn’t done enough to convince people they’d make the finals. This week they beat another team of ‘better’ witches hats and they’re the second coming. Total exaggeration of course but there are some nice stats here and there. 

True, if you watch replays of either game (and I’ve watched each about 17 times) they're basically 120 minute Demons highlight reels, but on about the eighth viewing my eyes drifted from the action to the inaction. The ‘opposition’.

Everyone knows the Crows are down on personnel, which is why last week’s game means kinda nothing, but the personnel who were present were half-arsed, half-paced or half-baked by the Alice sun. Really, it was enough to leave a coach speechless. Here's proof:

Thankfully by Wednesday evening, the drinks had worn off, the erections subsided and a little more common sense seemed to be settling on the wordy wise. Gravity back in place, the season can now roll-on, back on track ‘til the Dees either meet a ‘real’ team, or more likely, get badly beaten by one who isn’t. Cue the Dogs this week.

Anyway, there’s a train going somewhere. I’m not sure where, and like most trains I catch it’ll be late or re-routed somewhere else, but climb on board if you’ve got nothing better to do. I'm sure one of the newly converted media experts will give you their seat, they'll be getting off soon.

R9: Me and my big mouth

Bigmouth strikes again... I guess that was always going to happen. Honestly Bombers I was only joking when I said shit floats. I meant to say cream.

It's all my fault. The Bombers were always going to win after last week's 'editorial'.
The Dalai always used to tell me "Dick, If you've nothing nice to say about someone don't say anything. Mainly 'cos they'll come and fucking hit you".
Well I didn't listen did I? And they came and hit me. Never underestimate the Bombers' Powers of Evil.
And good luck to them. No, really.
And while we're down there thanks to the Lions for doing everyone a favour this week too. All in all things are starting to look up.

Big Trouble in Trobby-town this week. He and his Hawks both went down, he's vacated top spot for Phil, falling 6 spots after a faultless start to the season. I blame Luke Hodge.
Phil had a big weekend, he climbed into the hot-seat and his Dees did what the Dees never do, and went and crushed another team. But let's not get too excited, I went to that game and the blues were out there giving witches hats a bad name.
Lloydy's laughing too, he's a bomber and he's close behind Phil. And Tas is back in town, sitting third. Don't trust him. He's trying to win.
B.O.G was Dave, up 7. Biggest loser Sean catfish Cox. Down 7.

R8: Pain and confusion

Football of confusion: Saints in strife, Dons down, Roos up. What gives?

Pain and confusion out there in supporter-land at the mo and it makes for some interesting analysis.
Paging Dr Schadenfreude...

No one who doesn't follow Essadun will ever shed a tear for them and their followers. They've floated by on a raft of jumped-up arrogance, or more recently persecution-complex, and to their eternally damned credit it's worked for them on field. 

Until now. Karma tickets spent perhaps.

Their media cheer-leaders had them playing off for the flag, but there they are down there wallowing in a trough-full of serves-you-right pig-shit. Why do they deserve it? Can't quite put my finger on it but we all know they do.

Are their supporters better or worse-off than their opposite numbers at the Saints?

Both teams had high expectations of heading deep into September, clearly neither will.

Surely Saints fans must have built some serious resilience over the decades, whereas this experience will be terrifyingly new to all but the oldest Dons fans. My footy fandom carries 90% DNA similarity to those of a Saints persuasion, and I'm sure the pain, agony and heart-wrench of a steady build to possibly Something, to then discover absolutely Nothing, again, is the far crueller of the two options.

Let the Dons discover some resilience and find maybe, they're not born-to-rule after all. A bit like Carlton.

Lets not discuss the Roos. I hates them.

But I loves us, and here we are. Top 3 undisturbed from last week. Paul joins Phil to be the second Sydney-sider in the top 4 after a stella week. Rob has ridden on the back of his Blue boys to be knocking on the door of the eight after jumping 10 spots (up 5 last week too) to be BOG this week.

Franco's down 8, will play in the Magoos this week.

R7: Just one touch ump... jeez.

Surprisingly a round with few surprises results-wise, so the surprises came in the form of not one, but two unusual suspensions.
The Tom Hawkins incident unfolded on friday night under the watchful commentating, nay cheer-leading, of Fat Eddie. The Pies boss loudly leading the calls for action to be taken. The Pies that is of course who are playing the Cats this weekend. Coincidence, I'm sure.
Then Nick Nat, the largest man in the universe, squashed some, now unrecognisable, geezer into the turf almost snapping his neck in two. Dangerous? Of course. More-so than the sling tackle that saw Jack Trengove rubbed out for 4 weeks as the inaugural sling-tackler (before there was such an offence). Subsequent and pre-warned slingers were thereafter rubbed out for 1 or 2 weeks only of course. Scapegoat found, message sent.
Not much going on in the Drunk ladder. Heylow the biggest loser, down 10. Dickwad B.O.G up 6.

R6: Sex & drugs, missed sausage-rolls

Bad behaviour off-field, bad footy on field. Goals missed, laughable turnovers and ugly rolling mauls. That's the shape of footy this week. But that's pretty much footy as I've known it for about 5 decades.

Ross Lyon being allegedly genderly inappropriate, Dane Swan's non-sex-tape, Bomber getting allegedly sprung doing what allegedly everyone knew he's allegedly been doing for years.
I mean in terms of recent non-surprises I reckon the Big Three would have to be, in no particular order, Bomber, Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein.
And footy: well I didn't see much last weekend, but apparently it was universally bad enough for foetal positions to be taken, heads to be cradled in hands and cries of "we've got a problem" to be cried.
As a Melbourne supporter I thought that's how footy's meant to played.

So to the Drunk ladder. The only thing of import this week is that I've dropped out of the 8. Trobby and Phil are still poncing around on top, in fact look to be edging away from the field a little.
B.O.G. this week is Garth, up 11 spots and smashing his way back into the 8.
Biggest loser is Taffa, a.k.a. Panther, doing about as poorly as his Blueboys. Down 14.